Support a New Mom by Asking These 10 Simple Questions

Written By

Jess VanderWier
March 24, 2018

This article has been reviewed by Nurtured First’s team of child development experts.

10 Questions to Ask a New Mom

  1. Did you sleep last night? Can I watch the baby while you nap?
  2. What is your favourite meal that I can make you?
  3. Do you want me to watch the baby while you shower?
  4. Can I do your dishes?
  5. It can be really hard transitioning to being a mom; how is that going for you?
  6. What can I bring you: coffee or tea?
  7. It is common for new moms to go through the baby blues. Have you had this at all? Can I help you with this?
  8. What laundry can I do while I am here?
  9. Do you need anything from the grocery store?
  10. If you are having a hard time, do you know that you can talk to me about it?

Remember that this new mom may feel like she is the only one struggling! Help her feel normal by reminding her that many new moms struggle and that there is help out there. If she does tell you she is struggling, she may just need you to sit with her, be present, and listen to how she is feeling. She may also need you to help her access professional help. Whatever her struggles may be, ask the mom in your life how you can best support her! These 10 questions will help the mom in your life to feel supported. There are also questions you should avoid asking a new mom. We listed these for you below!

Related Post: How Do I Tell My Loved Ones About My Mental Health Struggles?

3 Questions to Avoid Asking a New Mom

1. How are you? 

When supporting a new mom, well-meaning friends and family often ask, “How are you?”. Asking a new mom this question often leads to the answer, “I’m fine.” In reality, many new moms report that they are not fine. 1 in 7 new moms will struggle with a postpartum mental illness. Becoming a mother also comes with a lot of worry, stress, and feelings that can be overwhelming. Many women may feel like it’s easier to give a simple answer, such as, “I’m fine,” rather than dive into all her struggles.

Related Posts: 7 Myths and Truths You Need to Know About Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

2. “Don’t you love being a mom?” 

Asking questions like, “Aren’t you just loving being a mom?” or “Are you enjoying every minute?” can make a new mom feel isolated and alone. She may feel like she can’t express her struggles, or that she can’t ask you for help. The expectation that new moms should be elated and carefree is very harmful, as it can make women suffer in silence postpartum.

3. Do you need anything? 

If you want to ask questions that will help you support the new mom in your life, try to be specific. Rather than asking her open-ended questions about what she needs, let her know exactly what support you can give her! This will make it easier for her to accept help from you. Being a new mom is exhausting, and using her limited mental energy to think of ways that you can help her might be tough.

Is someone you know struggling to enjoy the first years of parenthood? 

Our Postpartum Bundle gives pregnant and postpartum parents the tools they need to calm their anxious thoughts, bond with their baby, respond to crying with ease, and truly enjoy their time with their little bundles of joy. 

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    Article By

    Jess VanderWier
    Jess is a seasoned Registered Psychotherapist with a deep commitment to enhancing emotional well-being in children and families. Holding a Master's in Counselling Psychology, Jess has extensive clinical experience in guiding parents through their children's intense emotions, sleep struggles, anxiety, and other challenges with empathy and understanding. In addition to individual sessions, she is known for her work educating parents on social media through @nurturedfirst. Outside of her professional life, Jess enjoys the peace of nature hikes and spending as much time as possible enjoying her family.