How To Encourage Your Child To Open Up About Their School Day

Written By

Shannon Wassenaar
March 5, 2024

This article has been reviewed by Nurtured First’s team of child development experts.


Zoe’s mother bombarded her with questions as soon as she got off the bus.

โ€œSo, how was your day?!โ€
โ€œDid you have fun at school!โ€
โ€œIs everything okay?โ€

Zoe gave her typical response: a single-word answer. 

โ€œGood.โ€
“Yes.”
“Fine.”

This was really discouraging for Zoeโ€™s mother. She wanted to connect with her daughter but couldn’t get more than a few words from her. 

Many parents struggle to get their children to talk about their day. If this experience resonates with you, keep reading for eight ways to get your child to talk about their day. 

1. Ask Detailed Questions

The key to getting detailed answers? Ask detailed questions. 

Break down the day into smaller parts.

For instance, when Zoe was asked questions like, โ€œHow was your day?!โ€ or โ€œWhat did you do today?โ€ she didnโ€™t know how to answer since so much had happened between getting on the school bus in the morning and getting home in the afternoon. It was overwhelming to answer such a broad question.

This makes sense. When kids feel overwhelmed by our questions, they often โ€œfreeze up.โ€ Breaking down the day into smaller parts can feel more manageable and often result in a more detailed response from your child. 

Instead of asking: โ€œHow was school?โ€
Try this: โ€œWho did you sit with on the bus this afternoon?โ€

Instead of asking: โ€œWhat did you do today?โ€
Try this:  โ€œWhat game did you play during recess?โ€

Use their school schedule as a conversation starter.

Start by getting familiar with your childโ€™s class schedule, routines, and extracurricular activities. The more specific you can get when you’re asking questions, the less overwhelming the question will feel for your little one.

Instead of asking: โ€œHow was school?โ€
Try this: โ€œWhat country did you study in Geography class this morning?โ€

Knowing the names of your childโ€™s classmates, friends, teachers, and other staff members can also help promote conversation.  

Instead of saying: โ€œWhat did you do today?โ€
Try this: โ€œWhat was it like to have Matthew’s dad come in for your science class today?โ€

Knowing your childโ€™s schedule and the names of their peers also signals to your child that their world matters to you. 

2. Practice Reflective Listening

Zoe struggled to talk about her day for a number of reasons. The questions were often asked while her mom was on her phone, unpacking her school bag, or tending to chores; this made it difficult for Zoe to know if her mom was truly paying attention. 

When kids donโ€™t feel heard, they often stop talking. Reflective listening is a great way to help children feel heard; itโ€™s a way of communicating where the listener (the parent) seeks to understand what the speaker (the child) is saying by reflecting back their words to them. 

Reflective listening can sound like:

  • โ€œIโ€™m hearing thatโ€ฆโ€
  • โ€œIt sounds likeโ€ฆโ€
  • โ€œSo, youโ€™re saying thatโ€ฆโ€

Zoe needed to hear a reflection of her own words restated back to her to assure her that her mother was listening.

When children feel like their parent is truly listening and following what theyโ€™re saying (or trying to), they will be more inclined to share. 

3. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Sometimes, the questions we ask are closing the conversations before they begin. 

Close-ended questions can be answered with a yes or no. These types of questions have limited responses and often prevent conversations from emerging. 

If you want to open up the conversation and encourage your child to talk, try asking open-ended questions. 

Open-ended questions have unlimited answers. These types of questions usually start with: โ€œWhy?โ€ โ€œHow?โ€ or โ€œWhat?โ€

Closed question: โ€œDid you have fun at school today?โ€
Open-ended question: โ€œWho did you play with at recess today?โ€

Closed question: โ€œDid you finish the art assignment at school?โ€
Open-ended question: โ€œWhatโ€™s one thing you accomplished today?โ€

4. Donโ€™t Bombard Them With Questions

Instead of bombarding your child with questions as soon as they get home from school, consider reducing the number of questions or waiting to start a conversation until theyโ€™ve had some downtime.

Sometimes, less is more. Asking one specific question is more effective than bombarding your child with multiple questions that might overwhelm them. 

Sometimes, downtime is needed. Before asking questions, consider if your child would benefit from some quiet time to process their day and recharge. This space can often promote more conversation in the long term. If you sense that your child needs more time, try welcoming them home with a statement instead of a question: 

  • โ€œItโ€™s so good to see you! I canโ€™t wait to hear about your day!โ€
  • โ€œIโ€™m happy you made it home! We can talk about your day when you’re ready.โ€

Tip: Create a jar full of questions to choose from. Label this the โ€œQuestion Jarโ€ and invite your child to pick out a question to playfully ease into conversation. 

5. Show Genuine Interest

Children are much less inclined to talk to you when you’re visibly uninterested in what they have to say. To show your child that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, remember these three things:

  1. Avoid distractions. Whether this means putting your phone down or moving to a quiet setting, avoiding distractions can show your child that you really want to hear what they have to say. 
  1. Be mindful of eye contact and body language. When possible, make eye contact with your child as you listen to them so they know they have your undivided attention.
  1. Avoid interrupting. If you have something important to share, wait until your child has completed their sentence. If there are interruptions outside of your control, be mindful to acknowledge this to your child and articulate to them when you plan to return to the conversation. 

This might sound like: โ€œCould we please pause? I really want to hear what you’re saying. Iโ€™m going to submit our order, and then you can finish what you were saying.โ€

6. Talk While Engaged in Another Activity Together

Part of the reason Zoe struggled to talk to her mother was that it felt forced and awkward. 

The only time Zoe felt comfortable talking was during a board game or when playing with their family pet. Having an external distraction often helped to take some of the pressure off for Zoe and her mother. The conversation flowed more naturally and didnโ€™t feel as forced.

If youโ€™re finding it challenging to get your child to talk, consider asking questions while engaging in another activity. Whether itโ€™s shooting hoops in the backyard, colouring together, or washing dishes, engaging in an activity together can make conversations feel more natural. 

7. Create Rituals and Expectations

Some kids struggle to share because they donโ€™t know how to put their experiences into words. It can be helpful to hear you share your day first to give them an example. 

Having a ritual of sharing a โ€œroseโ€ and a โ€œthornโ€ can help give them a framework to use and will facilitate conversation.  

How this works: each family member takes turns sharing the highlight of their day (a โ€œroseโ€) and the trickiest part of their day (a โ€œthornโ€).  

Making this a routine at the dinner table can also help your child know what to expect. This can give them some confidence when answering questions because they can predict what youโ€™re going to ask and can prepare themselves in advance. 

8. Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings

Zoe often stormed to her room or ignored her mother’s attempts at conversation for two reasons: her feelings were being misunderstood or minimized. 

When Zoe would tell her mom about a situation at school, her mom would often say:

โ€œLet it go.โ€ 
“That’s no big deal.”
“Stop worrying.”

Her mother was unintentionally making her feel ashamed for expressing herself. Telling her mother about her feelings didnโ€™t feel safe. 

Sharing personal feelings with others requires a level of safety and trust; this is especially true for children. To establish safety and trust with your child, acknowledge and validate their feelings. 

Instead of: โ€œYouโ€™re okay!โ€ or โ€œDonโ€™t worry about it!โ€
Try acknowledging their feelings: โ€œI hear you. Youโ€™re feeling really anxious. That makes so much sense!โ€

Acknowledging your child’s feelings is a powerful way to connect with them and lay the groundwork for more conversations. 

Start With Simple Shifts

Zoeโ€™s mom used strategies from this blog to get her daughter to talk about her day. Not every single strategy worked for them, but with consistency, time, and effort, she found more ways to establish connections and have conversations with her daughter. 

This is possible for you, too! Making simple shifts to how you listen, the questions you ask, or the timing of your questions can significantly impact the quality of conversations you have with your child. 

For more support, check out The School Toolkit, which includes over ten worksheets to help your child navigate friendships, the school environment and routine, tough separations and more!

Explore The School Toolkit โ†’

Article By

Shannon Wassenaar
Shannon is a Registered Psychotherapist, Content Specialist, and Highly Sensitive Parent with a passion for understanding, and promoting human relationships. Shannon holds a Bachelors degree in Psychology, and a Masters degree in Psychotherapy. She began her professional career as a trauma therapist, and continues to support families from a trauma-informed perspective. Shannon uses her knowledge and experience to create educational content for parents, and treatment plans to help families flourish. In her spare time she enjoys taking long walks, playing recreational sports, and sipping a hot latte at a local cafe.